Live enough to die
Are you sure that you enjoyed your life? Sometime, people think that sacrificing their present for the future is a right choice. So they miss some beautiful scenes or moments of the life. Well, I did. But I changed my way to see the life by the chance. Here is my story which describes the awful misunderstanding and the death.
In the summer of 2013, when I was a freshman, I was really enjoying my first vacation. The day that changed my life was started just like the other days. After I saw a movie in my bed, I just stretched my arms and suddenly I felt pain. There was something inside my armpit. In specific, there was a little ball around the right breast. Touching the armpit with quivering fingers, I tried to remain calm under pressure, but I couldn't stop thinking like tragic heroin in drama series. 'What is it? Why I didn't know until right now?' Finally, I assured that I have a tumor.
At that time, I lay down in the dark room and fell into despair rather than went to hospitals. Lack of medical knowledge made me think that all tumors would definitely be the cancer. In addition, the size of ball was so big that I regarded myself as a terminal cancer patient. I didn't want to go to see a doctor because I worried that the doctor formulates that I have the breast cancer. The time was really painful. 'How can I tell this to parents, Will I die? Is the death suffering?' I kept asking myself with laying blame for the god. And I noticed that I've done nothing special in my life for myself.
In the midnight, I found a list called the bucket list which I had made before. From activities that I've never done before, the list was full of skepticism. But I noticed that I can't do those things, because of money. So I decided to satisfy to live fully in daily life. Since then, this decision made amazing change. When I woke in the morning, the noise of cicadas which had always disturbed my sleep became the sunshine in the middle of the forest. And when I met a friend, I saw her beautiful eyes, her shimmering eyelashes, and her wrinkles when she smiles. I heard every word that she made and it made me happy. 24 hours are long enough to erase skepticism for my life. The summer that I really hate was wonderful like the winter that I love.
4 days later, I went to the hospital. The doctor investigated my armpit with serious face expression. Because he didn't say any words, so I told him first.
"Do I have breast cancer?" he saw me.
"What? The breast cancer?" then he laughed
"It is sure that everyone can be cancer patient… but not that easy. You are not a cancer patient."
"But, why the ball is in my armpit?"
"If you get tired for a long time, your lymph glands get swollen."
I smiled. It was totally misunderstanding! After I got the result of specific investigation, the fact that I'm not a cancer patient was being apparent. Although I was not a patient, because of the memory of the day, now I always try to live like someone who waits the death. I don't want to regret my life. That misunderstanding makes me indulge daily life, and thanks for that, I can adore everything I faced. The death makes the life precious. And it helps me to live fully until now.
Hyeonju Oh
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