HYUN JEE KIM 201400916
Task 3.3
The writer's use of metaphor was effective. This tool made me think about and imagine what the writer's brother is like in my head. The metaphors used to describe the brother, made the brother seem mysterious. It could have been a boring paragraph about her brother, but with the use of metaphors, it made the writing interesting to read.
Task 3.4
Life is a hurricane.
She was a walking dictionary.
My Friend, Madeline
"She's very pretty". That's the first thing I said to my mom when I first met my friend Madeline. We first met the school office in 3rd grade. She was a new student and I was a new student. We instantly became friends.
She had round green eyes and long curly blonde hair, which instantly took my attention when I first saw her. Madeline was like a living Barbie doll that my sister and I used to play with. When people asked her to play jump rope or get a snack during recess, she would always decline. Instead, she would always go to the library, whether its recess and lunch. Even though she never joined my classmates to play jump rope, all the girls liked her. She was nice always helping classmates during spelling time. She loved books so much that I never saw her without a book. Madeline was a definition of bookworm. Madline was a walking book. Whenever she starts reading, she would sometimes smile but most of the time made a serious face with her eyes never leaving her book. Even if it's a hot summer day, she would never tie her hair, but instead letft her hair fall on her book.
Madeline was late to class at least once a week. She would always say, "You can go first. I want to finish this first", even when the lunch time was over. She didn't look worried at all. She never was. She was even reading walking back to the classroom.
Whenever I asked her what she was reading, she would never answer me right away. Instead, she would reply a minute later, showing me the book cover. To other classmates, she was being mean, not answering me. As her friend, I knew her well enough to know that she wasn't being mean. She wasn't very talkative but once she starts to talk about books, she wouldn't stop talking. Whenever she finished the book she was reading, Madeline would always tell me the books that she's been reading. Her descriptions were so detailed that I felt like I was listening to an audio book. I never stopped her. I enjoyed it.
I can still remember the times Madeline explaining her favorite book until today.
1. What I like about this essay:
ReplyDeleteI like how you started out with a direct quote. After reading the quote, I became interested in how you would describe her later in the essay. When I was provided with a description in the second paragraph, I could actually picture her because you said that she was a "living Barbie doll." Everyone knows what barbies look like so I think you did a good job describing her.
2. What is missing or can be improved:
I think you can make your work more interesting by giving it a title like, "The Bookworm" or something like that. Also, all I know about her from your essay is that she likes reading books, you don't talk much about what her actual personality is like. I think you can add this information by describing her voice and the way she talked to you when she provided descriptions on the books she read. Voice might be a way to describe personality.
3. Confusing parts:
In the first paragraph, although it is easy to guess that you told your mom your friend was pretty when you first told her about her, it was a little confusing when I first read the sentence. Maybe you can change it to something like this: That's the first thing I said to my mom about Madeline. Also, about your last sentence, your word choices seem a little awkward. Maybe you can say, Even today, I can still remember the times when Madeline described the events in her favorite books. It's just a suggestion.
I really enjoyed reading about Madeline. You did a great job describing how immersed she was in reading books. I can picture her as a real bookworm, and she even reminds me of some of my friends. Your essay was truly interesting.
-Alyssa Yoo-
1. I think Madeline is a very pretty girl who has a passion for reading.
ReplyDelete2. a. "She's very pretty"
b. Madeline was like a living Barbie doll that my sister and I used to play with.
c. Madeline was a definition of bookworm.
3. What the person looks like : she looks like a barbie doll with green eyes and blond hair.
What the person says : "You can go first. I want to finish this first" it made her seem more interested in books more than her being irresponsible. I mean who wants to stop reading in the middle of the action.
What the person does : She is always reading books instead of playing with the other kids.
What other people say about the person : Other people think she might be rude for ignoring other people.
4. Maybe rephrase some sentences to clear up the scenario where you guys first met.
5. I think the writer chose this person in particular because when you are usually at that age, children like to play with other kids. Her different behaviours set her apart from other students so she stayed as a memorable person to the writer.
6. What books were she reading during third grade?
Kim Young Woo 201203937