Afternoon repose in church
It was right after lunch, around 1 or 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This is the time when the sunshine is the strongest throughout the day. There are not much noise but only a sound of piano—same melody, over and over again. I am in the middle of small church building.
There is a girl wearing denim shirt with bobbed hair. She is practicing piano but seems to feel difficulty to go on. She bites her lips, looking nervous. Other girls are chatting with bright smile, but she keeps practicing as if she cannot hear them. Making mistake in the same part, she pauses it and continues playing. Her shoulder is shrunk.
Even though it is a big challenge for her, its sound makes the place more like peaceful 'church'. Two old women sits on the backside of church. One of them is wearing purple angora sweater, and the other one is wearing mountain clothes with cane. Not because she enjoys climbing the mountain, but because every way she goes is like a mountain for her. She has been paralyzed for many years and she cannot move without her cane. Both of them never lose smile from their faces.
"Good afternoon," when I told them, they look at me and smile at me. I think their smile look like asters, but it is them who say so. "How young and beautiful you are!" And they murmur by themselves that they are too old and they love to see young girls' smile which is so lovely. I tell them "You are beautiful, too." I mean it. They indeed look beautiful and their attitude towards others, especially for younger people, is more beautiful. serve them two cups of sweet coffee they like, and they say 'thank you'. They don't take it for granted.
Outside of the church, there are two girls taking selfies in front of a grapevine. They talk together that the green color of grapevine makes the pictures better and they burst into laughing. "Oh, please delete this. I don't look pretty in this picture," "Okay, I will." Their conversation is so lovely that I think I can understand how old women feel about me.
In another room, three middle-aged women sit around, drink coffee and take a rest after washing all the dishes from lunch table. They are wearing good dresses neatly, but they all rolled up their sleeves to do the dishes. One of them is church pastor's wife and their topic is her one-year-old grandson who was suffocated when he had big grapes. They talk together about his recovery which is almost miracle. The intonation they make is so dynamic that it feels like a song or chant.
"So this is miracle, isn't it?"
"So your daughter would feel much better by now! Thanks, God!"
"But I hope he would get even better soon…"
"Of course he will."
Their conversation is way of supporting and blessing each other. It seems like a ritual with melody, and I think it indeed works like a ritual because I can see pastor's wife smile much brighter. Others talk about other things about their children—and one the 'children' is me— and the sound they make when they laugh is like that of brook.
Instead of being one of them, watching them carefully is very strange experience. But I enjoy walking around and watching people rather than dozing off after lunch, because I can feel how they enjoy afternoon sunshine and repose.
201003163 Yousun Jung
I actually thought your writing was really impressive because you wrote a full story, with your focus on a couple of people. Also, I liked how you used the present tense instead of the past, making your writing so much interesting as it takes readers right into the moment. I liked how you said that the old ladies' conversation was like a "ritual with melody." That was an expression that made me use my imagination.
ReplyDeleteA part you can improve on is the use of "a" and "the." You're missing these articles in some of your sentences. Also, the story would have been more interesting if you focused more on the actions and expressions on the faces of these women.
I really enjoyed reading your work. It was very interesting for me to read.
-Alyssa Yoo-
Most of all, I want to say your title is perfect. when I just read your title, even before reading first sentence of your story, I felt cozy and comfortable, a perfect peace of sunday afternoon that there is no single worry. and your story make me smile too, so peaceful and lovely. I like your story!
ReplyDeleteChangyu Kang