A professor had not come yet, and already 15 minutes passed. Usually I sit at the very front row in every class, so I do not see people in class. On that day, for some reason I do not know why I was sitting at the back seat in the classroom while looking around. Without recognizing myself watching someone, I realized that my eyes had been fixed on one girl sitting neither that far away nor close from my seat. She has white complexion with natural make-up and a long black hair reaching to her back. She seemed to be neither tall nor short just with average height. She looked like a city girl with neutral and bit blunt face while White-color toned clothing made her look sharper, all of which were well coordinated with her image. While dealing with her cell phone, she remained still on her seat. Suddenly she turned around and, for the first time, our eyes met. After that short period, I remembered her face right away. She was the classmate from one of my summer classes. I did not have many chances to talk with her during entire summer, so unfortunately I could not even remember her name at all. All I remember was her face and her cold city-girl image which was exactly she has now and which I never thought that would be bad. Actually, it was the other way around. That was an aura I like.
It was very interesting to read about your description of a particular girl. I found some tense errors in your sentences, though. There's a small problem with the consistency in tenses. For example, you said that she "has" white complexion, and in the next sentence, you say that she "seemed." This is an area that you can improve in.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your writing, I wanted to ask you if you would ever try talking to her in the near future or not. Your writing made me curious.
-Alyssa Yoo-
Off the bat, when reading out loud, I noticed that the story is narrated in the past tense, but i noticed that in some sentences, you used to present tense. I think it would flow a lot better if you could change the tense to the past form. In some sentences, you are missing words such as the and like. I think if you read it out loud, you would be able to catch them. However, you used very good description to make the girl seem real. For instance, by reading this paragraph, I could almost picture how this girl looked like in real life. It helped me picture the girl in my head. Good Job!! - Kim Young Woo 201203937
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