Post complete responses to question 3 from Task 3.3 and question 1 from Task 3.4 to the class blog for your classmates to review. Q3 – Task 3.3 I think the writer used the metaphor effectively because I felt his feelings toward his brother with metaphor: brother of the rain. With this metaphor, I felt blue and darkness and I could feel somewhat gloominess in writer's essay. Q1 – Task 3.4
My boss is sophisticated racing car. And you can find the reason in my essay. The first draft of the essay assigned on page 77 Gentleman in office "Everyone makes mistake at first. You're doing good job and everything's gonna be alright" This is what my boss said to me when I make a mistake. "How is it going today? Hope you have a great rest of day" he always says to people like this softly when they encounter at a staff lounge. He is a leader of planning department which I belonged to as intern and there is one word never missed out when people in my office say about him: Gentleman.
There are several reasons why he is called a gentleman other than his kindness. First he always dresses well. He has the western model body with long legs and a slim figure and fits amazingly in all kinds of style. Suit, causal, even sportswear don't matter. Especially jeans fit nicely although he is 38 years old. He is a 'fashion-sponge'. Even he dresses up normally, his clothes are all neatly-ironed and there is no single stain or crease even including his shoes. We know his cleanliness and delicacy through his clothes.
Of course he is not a saint, not a perfect person. He sometimes makes a mistake, likes to hang around with people with some alcohol, and still single. |
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Changyu Kang/Responses & Character description Assignment (p. 77)/Narrative Composition(2) Tuesday & 09:00~11:00
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After reading your writing, I was able to imagine what your boss was like, thanks to your detailed description of his appearance. I especially liked the sentence, “Whenever I look at him, I feel like I'm looking at sophisticated racing car which is always well-maintained.” I think the expression is fresh and interesting and it makes me really want to see the gentleman myself although I’m a man. I also liked the first sentence of your writing. I think it’s a good hook to grab the attention of the readers. I believe you chose to write about him because he was the most impressive man in the office. Although you mentioned in the end that he was not a flawless man, the gentleman still seems very impressive and cool.
ReplyDeleteIn the next draft, I would like to see more of your direct interaction with the boss. How was he significant to you, not to others? Adding some episodes or quotations between you and the boss would make the person look more vivid and special. Also, I think your last paragraph needs to be developed to make your writing more interesting. Since you added some new information about the fact that he sometimes makes mistakes and drinks alcohol when hanging out with people, it made me want to know more. Writing some details about his mistakes would make the character look more real because he seems too perfect.
201202334 Kweonho Lee
1.
ReplyDeleteHe is a very attractive boss in the aspect of his personality and appearance, but a free single.
2.
He is a good listener and kind to people.
He is handsome and fashionable.
He likes to drink and he is still single.
3.
What the person looks like :
He has the western model body with long legs and a slim figure and fits amazingly in all kinds of style.
What the person says:
"Everyone makes mistake at first. You're doing good job and everything's gonna be alright"
What the person does:
He listened to staff's words with much empathy and gave simple advice.
What other people say about the person:
there is one word never missed out when people in my office say about him: Gentleman.
4. "for him, work is completed by face"
Probably it's not that crucial and I can understand what you were trying to say in the context. But, I think, with just that sentence alone, it sounds like he works well thanks to his attractive face. And this is the case for actors. What about replacing the word "work" to another to focus on his professional outlook?
5. Because the writer worked with him in the same office and he looked really gorgeous. Maybe he was impressed by him and thinks that he can learn from some of his behaviors.
6.
I liked the part "He likes to hang around with people with some alcohol, and still single," because that was what i couldn't expect from him in the upper paragraphs. What about emphasizing that part a little bit more? I think, it would make his personality more attractive and readers would be interested.
201203589 Choi, Won-joon