Learning from crises
Do you have any experience that affected your whole life afterwards? I am only a university student, but I already have two. Every ten years, I had to confront personal crises, and those changed my whole life in different ways.
First event happened when I was 10 years old. It was another beautiful day of summer vacation. I went to the beach on the east coast, and that means a vast blue sea over a sand beach. After a short warming up, I rushed to the water and jumped right in. As I was playing, I noticed that there was a rope out on the sea indicating the limit which everyone should have stayed within. Just like everyone else, I was swimming inside the rope. Soon, however, it felt too crowded and shallow for me to play near the coast, and so I swam over to the outer rope. As I reached the rope, I grabbed it with one hand, and enjoyed deeper, less crowded sea. That moment, the first crisis happened.
Suddenly, a big wave hit me. I drowned, and lost hold of the rope. I struggled to get out of the surface. When I managed to do that, I realized that I was outside, even far from the rope. I panicked. I shouted and waved my hands, but no one seemed to notice me. That moment, I looked back. There was nothing but a horizon between the sky and the endless sea. What really terrified me was that among this vast water, there was nothing I can rely on. Luckily, not before long, another wave hit me, and pushed me back towards the beach. To my great relief, I could grab the rope again, and I immediately came out of the sea. That day, I did not even dare to go inside the water again. This experience certainly taught me the importance of safety, and until this day, I keep myself from dangerous situations.
10 years later, when I was 20, second event happened. From the time of my great grandparents, my family has been a Christian. From the day I was born, or even when I was being carried by my mother, I had never missed Sunday services. To look back, I was really faithful. When I was a little boy, I remember, I always waited for Sunday, to go to church. I tried to read the Bible and pray whenever I could, even on weekdays. However, when I was 20, the second crisis came.
I do not recall the exact reason, but suddenly I started to lose my faith. What was frustrating was that it was not something I wanted. At first, I desperately wanted to believe what I have believed for my entire life. However, I found myself continuously doubting what they say in church. I tried really hard to believe what I had believed. However, I could not do that, and it felt life being outside the rope again. This time, however, there was no second wave to push me back to the beach. I was really terrified, just like 10 years ago.
So I changed my mind. Instead of looking for another wave, I decided to overcome my fear. I read some books, consulted with some people I can talk to, and so on. As time went by, I came to realize, little by little, that it is okay to be outside of the rope. I even felt free to be outside of tiny, crowded place surrounded by the rope. This experience taught me a very valuable lesson that changed me forever. There are so many different ways to see the world, and more importantly, it is possible to understand and harmonize with those who have different points of view from mine.
Moses Choi
Your story was interesting to read and I liked the sentence, "There was nothing but a horizon between the sky and the endless sea." You described your experience with past tense and I was able to picture your situation and the fear that you felt at the moment.
ReplyDeleteYou have a good beginning by asking a question to the readers. However, I think it would be more interesting if you added more details about the crisis in the introduction. For example, if I had known from the beginning that you had a life-threatening experience from drowning, I would be much more excited to read on.
As I was reading your story, I felt like some details were missing. Your first crisis seemed to finish too soon without enough descriptions and you didn't mention about what caused you to lose your faith in the second crisis. I believe it's because you had two stories in your writing. I think focusing on one crisis and giving more description about it can be a good option that you can consider. As a reader, I wanted to know more about your crisis.
Also, I was kind of confused in your last sentence. I don't understand clearly how that lesson can be related to your two crisis.
201202334 Kweonho Lee
I like how you start your story with a question. I think it makes the readers, including myself, to think about what they are reading, which is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion, I think you could write about how you overcome your fears more longer and more descriptive, instead of writing 'so on'. It makes it seem likes some of the important information/message are missing. With a longer writing on how you did that, I think it will make your writing more better.
Hyun Jee Kim 201400916
It is interesting to know about your life-changing experiences. I could relate to you because my family was also christian when I was little. The same questions popped up in my head as I was growing up, which did not get any definitive answers from anyone.
ReplyDeleteI have one suggestion for you too. In your conclusion, you stated that it is okay to be outside the rope, and possible to harmonize with various people. The writing could be stronger if there are more supporting facts for this.
Do Hyun Lim
Learning from crises
ReplyDeleteDo you have any experience that affected your whole life afterwards? I am only a university student, but I already have two. Every ten years, I had to confront personal crises. Although those two events seem totally unrelated, they brought me same emotion: fear. By those fears, I could learn different lessons that changed my life.
First event happened when I was 10 years old. It was another beautiful day of summer vacation. I went to the beach on the east coast, and that means a vast blue sea over a sand beach. After a short warming up, I rushed to the water and jumped right in. As I was playing, I noticed that there was a rope out on the sea indicating the limit which everyone should have stayed within. Just like everyone else, I was swimming inside the rope. Soon, however, it felt too crowded and shallow for me to play near the coast, and so I swam over to the outer rope. As I reached the rope, I grabbed it with one hand, and enjoyed deeper, less crowded sea. That moment, the first crisis happened.
Suddenly, a big wave hit me. I drowned, and lost hold of the rope. I struggled to get out of the surface. When I managed to do that, I realized that I was outside, even far from the rope. I panicked. I shouted and waved my hands, but no one seemed to notice me. That moment, I looked back. There was nothing but a horizon between the sky and the endless sea. What really terrified me was that among this vast water, there was nothing I can rely on. Luckily, not before long, another wave hit me, and pushed me back towards the beach. To my great relief, I could grab the rope again, and I immediately came out of the sea. That day, I did not even dare to go inside the water again. This experience certainly taught me the importance of safety, and until this day, I keep myself from dangerous situations.
10 years later, second event happened. From the time of my great grandparents, my family has been a Christian. From the day I was born, or even when I was being carried by my mother, I had never missed Sunday services. To look back, I was really faithful. When I was a little boy, I remember, I always waited for Sunday, to go to church. I tried to read the Bible and pray whenever I could, even on weekdays. However, when I was 20, the second crisis came.
I do not recall the exact reason, but suddenly I started to lose my faith. What was frustrating was that it was not something I wanted. At first, I desperately wanted to believe what I have believed for my entire life. However, I found myself continuously doubting what they say in church. I tried really hard to believe what I had believed. However, I could not do that, and it felt like being outside the rope again. This time, however, there was no second wave to push me back to the beach. I was really terrified, just like 10 years ago.
So I changed my mind. Instead of looking for another wave, I decided to overcome my fear. I consulted with some people I can talk to, and I found out that there are other people who have similar experiences as mine. From them, I could listen to a few stories about their changed thoughts and beliefs. Also, I read some books of philosophers, and I even studied about other religions. As I do those things, I came to realize, little by little, that it is okay to be outside of the rope. I even felt free to be outside of tiny, crowded place surrounded by the rope. Moreover, I also could learn a lesson that changed my life afterwards. I realized other than Christian faith, there are so many different ways to see the world. More importantly, as I try to understand all those different thoughts and ideas, I was able to grasp that they are all very valuable and important. That taught me an attitude of acknowledging and harmonizing with others who have different points of view from mine.
Moses Choi