Yousun Jung/Second Post/Tues 9-11am

It was when I worked as a NGO worker in India. I lived with children from discriminated tribes and I also worked for people living with HIV/AIDS. I was in charge of administrative documents, mainly to connect children with sponsors in Korea. But as I visited them regularly, I had to take care of myself well. For example, there was at least one band-aid in my bag

There were always plenty works to do and it can sometimes make you exhausted and sick. One day, I felt fever at night, so I took medicine before going to bed. The next morning what I saw in the mirror was closer to zombie or Frankenstein rather than human being. I looked very bad, and indeed I couldn't even get out of my room. I canceled all the schedule and just took a rest. I knew that I was overstraining, so I didn't take it seriously. I just thought it would be okay soon.

But it wasn't. I couldn't even drink juice or water. I suffered from diarrhea, vomiting, high fever and shivering all day long. Everyone in the same house got nervous. They were so worried about me, and it was not the only reason.

At that time, pig influenza was widespread in the city. At least two or three people died in a day, and that was what we read every day in the newspaper. Furthermore, a day before I got sick, I had visited one of the HIV-positive family, and there was a woman who had had same symptoms with mine. I started to get nervous, and I felt that others felt the same way. I googled 'symptoms of pig influenza' and it didn't help me out. One of my co-worker may have done same thing and she asked me: "Didi(sister in Indian word), do you cough?" That was the only positive thing I could fine. I didn't cough.

When I finished vomiting, I thought I would not get better by myself. I really didn't want to go out as I felt like vomiting all the time, but I had to go to see a doctor. I went to the hospital, and it was only five minutes distance by autorickshaw. In the rickshaw, I started to think about my situation. I may be infected with pig influenza or something else. I may be a host of disease or virus. I may be die. I may not go back to Korea again. I imagined all possible negative scenarios, and it was all fine including getting HIV-positive. It would be so miserable and terrible, but it was me who had chosen life in India as NGO worker. I thought I could somehow get on my life. But if I die here, then how would my parents feel? It was me who had chosen, not them. I felt deeply sorry for them. I felt like crying. Even in hospital, I felt very uncomfortable. If I had been a host of disease, I am causing harm to other people. I felt guilty just because of being there.

When I saw a doctor, he asked me some simple question with bored face. He briefly wrote prescription and I carefully asked him: "Is this any possibility of pig influenza?" He didn't even look at me and answered. "No." I sighed in relief.

I cried a lot that night because I felt like I experienced 'A day of HIV-positive people'. They felt anxiety. They were feeble. They felt guilty. That's what I felt throughout the day. But there were big differences between me and them. I was not alone. I could take a rest all day. I had co-workers who lived with me and took care of me with love. I had no worry about medical expenses. They are mother or father who had to make a living and keep working, having worried about financial situation from living expenses to medical expenses.

I realized how strong they were. Some of them really wanted to die, but that was only for some occasions which need counseling. Mostly they struggled their lives every day and they never gave up. They said it's because of their family, children, and love. It was love that kept them strong.

As a NGO worker, what I did was not to spoil poor people by pouring food and money. What I did was to stand together when they struggle to make it, to listen to them how they felt or how they are, and to sympathize with them. It was precious moment of my life that I could deeply sympathize with them. That night, I realized that EVERY MAN—not only them—are fatal. I know it sounds very natural, but it is different that you know something natural and you feel it by experience.

Yousun Jung