Live enough to die
Are you sure that you enjoyed your life? Sometime, people think that sacrificing their present for the future is a right choice. So they miss some beautiful scenes or moments of the life. Well, I did also. But I changed my way to see the life by the chance. Here is my story which describes the awful misunderstanding and the death.
When I was a freshman, I was really enjoying my first vacation. I put all the vacation plans off what I made for studying. The day that makes my life changed was started just like the other days.After I saw a movie in my bed, I just stretched my arms and suddenly I felt that there is something inside my armpit. In specific, there was a little ball around the right breast. Touching the armpit with quivering fingers, I tried to remain calm under pressure, but I couldn't stop thinking like tragic heroin in drama series. 'What is it? Why I didn't know until right now?' Finally, I assured that I have a tumor.
At that time, I just lie down in the dark room and fell into despair rather than went to hospitals. Lack of medical knowledges made me think that all tumors would definitely be the cancer. In addition, the size of ball was like a coin and this fact was enough to regard myself as a terminal cancer patient. I didn't want to go to hospitals because I worried that a doctor formulates that I have the breast cancer. The time was really painful. 'How can I tell this to parents, Will Idie? Is the death suffering?' I kept asking myself with laying blame for the god. And finally, I noticed that I've done nothing special in my life for myself.
I saw a list for myself called the bucket list. From activities that I've never done before, the list was full of skepticism. But I noticed that I can't do those things, because of money. So I decided to satisfy to live fully in daily life. Since then, this decision made amazing change. The noise of cicadas which always disturbed my sleep, came like a sunshine in the middle of the forest. And when I met a friend, I saw her beautiful eyes, her shimmering eyelashes, and her wrinkles when she smiles. I heard every word that she made and it made me happy. I felt that I live my life fully. 24 hours are long enough to erase skepticism for my life. The summer that I really hate was wonderful like the winter that I love.
After 4 days, I went to the hospital. The doctor investigated my armpit with serious face expression. Because he didn't say any words, so I told him first. "Do I have breast cancer?" then he saw me. "What? The breast cancer?" then he laughed. "It is sure that everyone can be cancer patient… but not that easy. You are not a cancer patient." "But, why the ball is in my armpit?" "If you get tired for a long time, your lymph glands get swollen." I smiled. It was totally misunderstanding! After I got the result of specific investigation, the fact that I'm not a cancer patient was being apparent.
Although I'm not a patient, because of the memory of the day, I always try to live like someone who waits the death. I don't want to regret my life. That misunderstanding makes me indulge daily life, and thanks for that, I can adore everything I faced. The death makes my life precious. And it helps me to live fully until now.
First of all, as I looked at the title, I could not help reading your writing. Though I could not understand what your title meant exactly, it certainly drew my attention.
ReplyDeleteThe way you described how you felt was also impressive. For example, I liked the part you describe your friend and your emotion in detail. I think it was effective in making you story more vivid, and also emphasize the subject of the story.
However, I want to point out some of your tiny mistakes, especially regarding the tense. For example, 'At that time, I just lie down~' would have been better if it was 'At that time, I just lay down~', and not 'Although I'm not a patient~', but rather 'Although I was not a patient~'.
Overall, I think It was a very interesting and well written story.
Moses Choi
I also couldn't understand your title like Moses, but after reading your essay It is apparent that you named the title perfectly. Since I am a person who tries to live present and enjoy all things surrounding me just like you, I personally enjoyed your essay with much agreement.
ReplyDeleteAnd It would be much clearer If some phrases are changed as below.
(It may be because of my shot english, so please just take it as a reference.)
"From activities that I've never done before, the list was full of skepticism." -> "From activities that I've never done before, I felt full of skepticism on the list.
"The noise of cicadas which always disturbed my sleep, came like a sunshine" -> "The noise of cicadas which had always disturbed my sleep, became a sunshine"
Changyu Kang