Slumber Party at CJ's House
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"Kiss! Kiss!" Everyone waited for two people to kiss: one of them was my crush and the other, my friend. It seemed like I was the only one not enjoying this moment. We were playing our own version of Spin the Bottle with an empty Gatorade bottle. I tried to hide my feelings because I knew that my friend had a crush on the same guy. Just as my friend tried to kiss his left cheek, he put a hand up to avoid direct contact with her lips and his cheeks.
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"Hi!" He waved both of his hands high up in the air with a twinkle in his soft, blue eyes. His hair shined brightly with a tint of orange in the Californian sun. What I liked most was his childlike smile; very pure and innocent. The only fault I saw on his face were his freckles, but I personally saw them as a charm. It was Friday night, and we were heading with five or six members of our usual group to CJ's house. I liked walking beside him and seeing him smile.
I was too busy looking at him that I didn't notice we'd already arrived in front of the house. It was a big, white house with small doors. The doors seemed to welcome all of us in, giving off a warm color. It was a single-story house with three separate compartments. The garage was visible from the outside, and a small yacht was parked along with a big, gray van. Inside, there was some space for a table tennis court and a miniature pool table, my favorite things to play with. To the left of the pool table was a swimming pool big enough to fit all twenty of us in. Behind the pool was a room in which we played all kinds of video games: DDR (a dancing game), Super Smash Brothers, a karaoke game, and so on. Next to the video game room was a room with enough space for us to sit around in circles. I hung out at this house very often, but what was special about this day was that we were about to have the craziest slumber party of our lives.
"Great job! High five, Alyssa!" My crush shouted as I managed to knock out one of the characters in the video game. I liked the white house because it was the perfect place for me to talk to and hang out with someone I liked without anyone noticing. What I did not like about it was that every time I was alone with him, someone would come and ruin my time with him.
"Spin it!" A guy in glasses with curly hair yelled at the guy next to him. And guess what? The bottle pointed right at me.
"So…do you have a crush on anyone in this room?" I answered it with the straightest face possible. "No, not really. I mean, there's no one to like." I regretted adding the offensive comment. I just said it to make it clear to everyone I wasn't interested in anyone, although I actually was, deep down inside my heart. I was lying to everyone. I did not want my friend to find out that I liked the same person she liked because it would make things awkward between us. Everyone seemed to believe me, and no one asked any more questions.
Then the bottle pointed at Sci-fi (this was my friend's nickname).
"Do you like anyone?" a guy with bangs that covered just the upper part of his eyes asked.
My friend said nothing. The crowd went wild. She had to do something for not answering the question.
"I dare you to kiss the guy this bottle points at," one girl said. Well, at this point, you won't have trouble guessing who the bottle pointed at. My friend blushed, and she was smiling. Thankfully, my crush did not seem to be happy about it. He just wanted this moment to be over fast. Just as she was about to give him a kiss on his left cheek, he put his hand up, making her kiss his hand instead. I laughed inside. It was pretty funny, and I was glad he did not allow her to kiss something other than his hand. I liked him even more.
It was pretty dark, and we turned on some loud music to enjoy the fun. I danced like a crazy person, having all the fun I could at the moment. CJ's parents were very cool so they did not nag or hover. Although I was in middle school, I felt like a partying college girl every time I came to CJ's house. No one could stop me, even my parents, because I could spend the night there in the house without anyone telling me what to do. Not only could I hang out with my crush longer, but I could also have all the fun. I mean, who'd think middle schoolers would play Spin the Bottle with parents around?
I looked at the clock on the wall in the living room. It was past two, and we were all still fully awake, not wanting to miss out on the fun. We went into a room with a big television inside. CJ turned off all the lights, creating a spooky mood. Without saying anything, she inserted a DVD, and we all stared at the screen, ready to enjoy the last hours of the party.
"Ahhh!!!" We all screamed as the face of a woman in a white gown suddenly popped out at us as if she was going to come out of the screen. Her face was extremely distorted, and blood ran down her bloodshot eyes. It scared the hell out of me. But it was fun because we all cuddled together closely in the big room.
Before we went to sleep after the movie, we had pillow fights, the main event of a slumber party. It was fun hitting the guys because they wouldn't hit us girls back. We all had used up all our energy, and I slept peacefully.
CJ's house was one of the most special places of my life because I still never had as much fun as I had there. College life in Korea is nothing like it. Having fun in college means drinking to death. I had more fun in middle school without having any alcohol in my system. I miss the place very much because I don't know if I'll ever be as happy as I was back in middle school with all the happy memories left behind in a friend's house. If I could ever go back to a place of the past, it would be CJ's place.
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ReplyDeleteWhat I like the best about your essay was your storyline. I think us as a girl, we all had childhood crush. Your description about your feelings toward your crush reminded me of mine when I was young. It was relatable, which made me keep reading your work.
2.
Her place was at CJ's place. She had a clear description of how CJ's house looked like.
3.
She definetly had 'sight'sense in her writing, when she was describing CJ's house. I think she also had sound sense, when she said "The crowd went wild."
4.
I would describe her place, a happy, fun and exciting environment. She is spending a great time with her friends, so I would say her place is filed with happiness.
5.
Maybe as a busy college student, she was reminded of time when she had less work and had more fun when she was younger. For me, I also think about the places where I had a good time when I'm too tired from work. Maybe that's why.
6.
I liked her writing and description of the place. Maybe she could add other senses like scent,taste etc. With addition to other senses, it could make her place more special.
201400916 KIM HYUN JEE
1. What did you like best about this essay? Be as specific as possible.
ReplyDeleteThe first paragraph was the most interesting because “Everyone waited for the two people to kiss” was definitely a nice hook. In terms of description, I liked how the writer describes her feelings when she saw the guy refusing her friend’s kiss on the cheek. I think being honest with her emotions made the story more interesting.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly? List any parts that were not clear to you.
The descriptions were clear. I was able to picture CJ’s house vividly but it was really hard to imagine a house like that. I was amazed after reading the descriptions because it was more like a party room than a house with those many big rooms and a lot of things to play with.
3. Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List two sensory details that you especially liked.
I don’t think the writer used all the senses including smell or taste, but the story was still very much descriptive with lots of quotations and writings about her feelings. I liked the sensory details when she described how attractive the guy looked. She used lots of information from her sense of sight and it really helped me picture the charming boy. I also liked the details of the woman’s face in the scary movie.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere of this place?
The place is obviously cheerful with party, but I think the mood also makes the writer feel a sense of tension because she is with the one who she had a crush on. She seems really anxious at the moment of playing Spin the Bottle game.
5. Why do you think the writer chose to write about this place?
For her, it was the place of the happiest memory in her childhood. She hung out with her friends and even with the charming guy until late in the night without worrying about her parents’ nagging. The place gave her much more pleasure than her college life.
6. How could the writer improve this essay when he or she revises? Make only one suggestion.
The story was definitely interesting and I felt like I was watching some scenes of an American movie where the teenage girls are having party in house and having a crush on a guy. However, I felt like your writing was more focused on your childhood memory rather than the place which was special for you. I expected some sensory details about the place itself, but your writing was mostly about the fun you had in there. I think you can consider putting more emphasis on the information about the place.
201202334 Kweonho Lee