The Unexpected Present in My Life
"Is this all real? This place is unbelievably big and fantastic!"
I woke up early in the morning on Christmas Eve with full of excitement because of the present I got from my host family the day before.
"Gitae, we prepared a Christmas present for you. Open it." Lori, my host family mom, said.
It was a ticket and it said Disney World in Orland. It was 25th of December in 2015 that I went to Disney World in Orlando during the Christmas holidays with host family, the Benson's.
Paul, grandfather, drove a motor home to the destination for 2 day and 1 night. Finally we arrived in Orland and a big gate putting Walt Disney World welcomed us with its two big legs in each side. Disney World was so big that we had to drive for quite a long time to reach where we were supposed to stay for 2 days.
I opened out the folding map and checked how this place looked like. It consists of 4 theme parks: the Magic Kingdom, the Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Disney's Hollywood Studios. As we were supposed to stay for 2 days, we were only able to look around the Magic Kingdom where huge portion of rides out of total 46 are. As there was an unimaginably big lake that was like ocean between my camping site and the Magic Kingdom, we had to use a cruise to get there. On the deck, I could feel the wind touching my hair with its hands and smell a full of joy and excitement of a new adventure ahead of me. As soon as we arrived at the dock, the so-called Cinderella Castle was immediately visible and took my breath away. That was the castle I had watched in Disney's animation films where all those Disney's characters and dreams of children dwell. I was able to hear people making "Ahhhhhhh!" and the idea hit my mind that the cries of joy and sounds of machines whirring never seemed to stop at this place. Soon after I was among those people on rides who were shouting with joy and happiness as well as my host family members. It took literally almost one day for us to ride all the rides and to visit tourist attractions in the Magic Kingdom. At night, I saw the most beautiful and magnificent fireworks in the world right in front of my eyes. Depending on combinations of colors, time intervals, sizes and so on, hundreds and thousands of fireworks exploded, shined, and made spectacular views up in the sky. Some of them looked like trees, animals, and stars. Others were like dreams, passion, and pureness inside our hearts. Thousands of people in the place were watching the same thing with sharing kind and gentle eye contacts, from time to time, with beloved ones standing next to them. Some gave a genuine kiss to their partners and others hold their hands. Those beautiful explosions made me say, to my host family, "Thank you guys for giving me once-in-a-life-time chance to see a real stunning view and the unforgettable memory of the Christmas." That was still one of the most cherishable and happiest moments I have had.
1.What did you like best about this essay? Be as specific as possible.
ReplyDelete“I could feel the wind touching my hair with its hands and smell a full of joy and excitement of a new adventure ahead of me.”
he used detail expression with appropriate figure of speech. So I could imagine what he felt right away.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly? List any parts that were not clear to you.
He describe the place clearly. But the sentence “Disney World was so big that we had to drive for quite a long time to reach where we were supposed to stay for 2 days.” is not clear to me: whether the place they stay is in the Disney World or outside it?
3. Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List two sensory details that you especially liked.
He used various senses: sight / sound / touching. What I especially liked is as below
1) On the deck, I could feel the wind touching my hair with its hands and smell a full of joy and excitement of a new adventure ahead of me.
2) Thousands of people in the place were watching the same thing with sharing kind and gentle eye contacts, from time to time, with beloved ones standing next to them. Some gave a genuine kiss to their partners and others hold their hands.
First is best part in this essay and the second although he wrote the word ‘romantic’ I could feel it in this sentence. He described people watching fireworks very specifically which makes me feel like I am in the Disney World.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere of this place?
First the place is filled with people so it would be very vivid. And all people are enjoying including the writer. This place is full of joy and excitement. Lastly at the night, with fireworks, the mood in the place is lovely and romantic even though he didn’t use those words. I can feel it thanks to his rich expressions.
5. Why do you think the writer chose to write about this place?
Visiting this place is absolutely ‘once in a life time chance’ to him. Maybe he will not forget what he saw and feel at this place in his lifetime. That’s the main reason why he chose this place.
6. How could the writer improve this essay when he or she revises? Make only one suggestion.
His expressions and descriptions were very good but it was hard to read them because there were no separation in paragraphs. His words were clear but his essay was not clear because of it. It would be perfect if paragraphs are separated.
Changyu Kang