A Not-Perfect Place to Play Soccer
During my elementary school years, I liked playing soccer a lot, as most boys do at that age. Our apartment complex was quite well decorated and had everything it needed: a playground, a sports center, a multi-purpose building with a bakery, supermarket, etc. One important thing it lacked, however, was a place to play soccer. That's why me and a group of friends chose a medium-sized area at the back of my apartment building, probably the size of a typical school playground, as a place to play it.
About thirty footsteps away from the entrance of my apartment building is this place, and once entered, I can immediately smell chlorine coming from the sports center's swimming pool. As I enter, there is a wooden stage right next to me, but it is more like a simple elevated place about the height of one stairs where only three people could fit in. Further away is an area for six benches with a roof. Yet, I am not sure whether it is a roof because it was simply several wooden planks hanging over it perhaps for decoration, but definitely not for practical purposes as it could not shield any rain or sun. Beside the bench area, there is the entrance for the sports center. Only the entrance is visible because all activities were done downstairs in the basement. Next to that is something I found quite beautiful: the water fountain. Water pours down from a stone, spinning a waterwheel. Above the stone, there is a trail for walking where grass and flowers are planted and all could be visible at one glance with the water fountain, like a picture inside a frame.
Obviously, this was not an ideal place to play soccer. There often were people passing by, usually to go to the sports center, the floor was pavements, and the soccer ball would sometimes fly to the water fountain. We would have to bring sticks to fetch the ball back again. However, with pillars that supported the bench roofs, there was a place for a goal scoring. That was enough, and my frequent visits and enjoyable memories there with my friends make it a special place.
1. I like your description of your special place in the second paragraph. It's very detailed that I could actually imagine how the place might look like.
ReplyDelete2. Yes he described the place clearly.
3. He used the sense of smell, when describing the smell of the swimming pool. His second paragraph, when describing his favorite place, is full of "sight' senses.
4. I would descrbite the place nostalgic and happy, since it's a place from his childhood and he had good memories at the place.
5. I think the writer decided to write about this place because it's a place from his childhood that provided him a place for him to spend time with his friends and create good memories with them.
6. One suggestion is maybe add more information using other senses, like auditory senses or other senses that you might want to include.
201400916 KIM HYUN JEE
1. What I liked best about your essay was your very vivid observation of the place. You described it as if you were an architect or an interior designer that made the place.
ReplyDelete2. Your observation of the place was very descriptive and vivid. But, the order of sequence or maybe the wording made it sort of difficult to imagine the place you described in paragraph 2.
3. I especially liked your description of the fountain. I found this imagery the most vivid and descriptive. Also, when you talk about the smell of chlorine in the beginning of your second paragraph, I was able to know right away that we were entering a new place so I thought that sensory detail was used very efficiently.
4. The mood set in this place is definitely nostalgia. This is where his childhood was spent.
5. I think the writer wrote about this place because although it was place where it was very inconvenient to do one of his favorite activities, it was where he had a lot of memories.
6. To describe this place a little better, maybe you can add other sensory details such as feeling, noise, and touch. You incorporated a lot of sight but I think the readers would be able to better picture this place with some more details.
Kim Young Woo 201203937