Ordinary, Not Ordinary
Yousun Jung
I don't like the hospital. One of the reasons is that I have to see people in their weak and sorrowful status and it makes me painful. When I saw my grandma in the hospital, with her face just as if the whole world has come to the end, I felt so sad and I became speechless. Still I had to say something to encourage her, but she was habituated to saying that typical words: Now I am old enough to die. I don't think she means it, but it is difficult to conduct an interview with her when she says so. If I ask even one question, she would definitely say that she was not worth enough be interviewed because she was going to die soon. That's why I never knew what happened in her past life, but only her worries about her future life. I didn't want such a flow for an interview.
Therefore, before interview, we watched one movie first. It was the movie named Ode to My Father, which became popular and famous as it described how fathers and mothers strived for their living in 1970s. Somehow it made her reflect on her past, which she rarely had done. Finally she opened her mouth.
"In my thirties, I never stopped working to manage the poor living." It wasn't so when she first married my grandpa. He was a public office and had no financial problem. Rather, they were so wealthy that my mum remembered her early life stable and abundant. However, after my grandpa had lost his job, my grandma became the only wage earner in the family. "I don't even remember other things. I don't know how my children grew up. All I had in my mind was to manage the living", she added.
It made me so sad that the situation gave misunderstanding to different people. My grandma thought that she did her best, but my mom thought that grandma didn't take care of her well. Even when my mom became old enough to start working, it was my grandpa who prepared breakfast for her and took time with her. Whenever they have conflicts, my mom told me that grandma is too selfish and she never cared about her not only now but also those days. But when my grandpa said that all she had had in her mind was to manage the living, it made me understand the situation at the same time have a pity on both women in difficult time.
I asked her when was golden age in her life. She said it was when she opened a supermarket after long days of getting wage. She maintained it for quite a long time, even until when I was a small child. I still remember the supermarket. That was when all her children got married and settled, so she had no financial worries. She was still good and diligent worker, but she didn't have to overwork.
"Working there, living with your grandpa, enjoying visits of sons, daughters and even grandchildren… it was such lovely day." Now many things have been changed. She cannot work anymore. My grandpa had passed away around 10 years ago. The only thing that she still enjoys is visits of her children and grandchildren. That's way she urges me and my sister to come to her house and stay there for some time.
Her face has been full of worries for a long time, so it looks sad even when she is not. Being in a hospital, she looked weaker and sadder. However, thinking of golden age and urging us to come to see her more often, she looked better and more comfortable. She opened her drawer to find the knife and started to peel off an apple to feed me. I had to stop her, but she was strong in terms of feeding her grandchildren.
"If you had any chance to choose your life and do whatever you want, what would you do?" Eating the apple, I asked her one more question. She looked hesitated. I wondered what she would say. Getting proper education? Having some more time with her family? What would be her answer? However, her answer was not what I could imagine and it surprised me a lot.
"I don't know. I had never imagined such a thing, so it is difficult for me." She answered as if I asked her in Swahili language or about the theory of relativity. I never thought there would be people find it difficult to answer about their dreams or wishes. I felt a pity on her again, as she had her whole life struggling to manage an "ordinary" life. The word "ordinary" doesn't seem ordinary, as I knew how she strived to get it. I loved her more, and promised her to visit her for many days during winter vacation.
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