| A First trip to America
I had a dream, a dream to go to America. To be specific, since I had been big fan of NBA, I was always eager to watch live NBA game. And December 21st I took a first step to make my dream come true. I went to America. Since my friend lived in Emeryville located in California, I flew to San Francisco which is also located in California. After about 15 hours flying I arrived at San Francisco International Airport. At the airport everything was strange to me. There were so many people whose races were various. They all were talking each other in English. All signs, broadcastings were also English. There were big sign below immigration inspection section written "Welcome to America" I lined up at the section for foreigners. And immigration inspector who of course talked in English wasn't considerate to foreigner. "Why did you visit America?" "Please put your right thumb on this point" he talked very fast and I had to totally focus on his words. After barely completing my first mission in America: Escape the inspector, I had to find a public telephone to reach my friend. I went up to first floor with escalator and all I saw was huge square of the airport. I was completely alone. There was no single person I knew, even I could communicate with well. It felt like I were in desert. The square was far much noisy than the immigration inspection section. All people seemed busy to find their companies. A man in suit in front of café was on phone call checking time with his watch. At currency exchange counter a young woman were talking to a worker with loud voice. 'Guess things didn't work to her' I thought. I remembered my friend's direction before the trip: 'Find a public telephone near currency exchange counter.' I felt second mission was about to be completed. It was right behind the counter. I inserted some coins and picked up the receiver. As soon as I hold it up to my ear, I smelled the old metal which reminded me of my childhood, the period I don't have my phone. Ironically this made me think I were not alone. 'Like when I was child, I don't have telephone so I use public telephone to connect my friend. With this, I can meet my friend' that was what I thought at that time. I called my friend and after few ringing tones he answered I could hear her voice saying "어 도착했냐 금방 갈게" which means "hey now you arrived I am going to get there soon". This simple Korean sentence made me so relieved. After about 20 minutes he arrived at the airport and picked me up with his car. Weather of San Francisco was fantastic. Although it was winter cool wind was blowing and sun was shining at the top of sky. Few white scattered clouds are floating which made me open window of the car. We ran endless road. There was no traffic jam. It is like taking a drive with my friend at vacation spot. I fully inhaled fresh air of San Francisco. |
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Changyu Kang/Ch.4 Essay Draft/Narrative Composition(2) Tuesday & 09:00~11:00
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1. What did you like best about this essay? Be as specific as possible.
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked about this essay is that I could connect to the emotions the writer felt: fear about the unknown, feeling left out. The writer appeals to the sense of sight, creating images for readers.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly? List any parts that were not clear to you.
It was unclear to me whether the writer was writing about America, San Francisco, or the San Francisco International Airport because most of the events in this essay happen at the airport, but in the last paragraph, the writer also mentions the city of San Francisco. Also, by reading the second paragraph, it seems that the writer did not enjoy being at the place. However, in the last paragraph, he starts to enjoy the air of San Francisco. I think this is more about a person than a place since his friend made it better for him.
3. Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List two sensory details that you especially liked.
He uses two senses: smell and sight. I liked the part about "the smell of old metal which reminded [him] of his own childhood." Also, I liked the expression, "scattered clouds," because "scattered" is the exact verb to describe clouds. I could picture the sky of San Francisco in my head.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere of this place?
At first, the atmosphere is tense and chaotic as no one cares to help the writer. The atmosphere changes from being tense to peaceful when the writer talks with his friend on the phone.
5. Why do you think the writer chose to write about this place?
I think the writer chose to write about this place because if it wasn't for his friend, he would have been lost in San Francisco. I think he wants to deliver the message that although he had a hard time at the airport, his memory of San Francisco wasn't bad after all as his friend helped him out.
6. How could the writer improve this essay when he or she revises? Make only one suggestion.
I think he can add more adjectives in his essay. Although he does appeal to many senses, there aren't many adjectives to describe the sound, smell, and what he sees. I think a more vivid image would be created if he adds more adjectives in his essay.
-Alyssa Yoo-
1. What did you like best about this essay? Be as specific as possible.
ReplyDelete“I went up to first floor with escalator and all I saw was huge square of the airport. I was completely alone. There was no single person I knew, even I could communicate with well. It felt like I were in desert.” was my favorite part. I was able to picture him feeling completely alone in the airport. The use of simile helped me understand how he felt at the moment.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly? List any parts that were not clear to you.
The descriptions were clear enough, however I had to read with careful attention to understand where the event was taking place. Because the writer wrote about two different places which were immigration inspector section and a huge square in the same paragraph, it wasn’t clear at the first time. I think it might be better to divide the paragraph into two.
3. Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List two sensory details that you especially liked.
The writer tried to use his senses of sight, smell, and sound. I liked the part where he described the old metal smell from public telephone. The description was not much in detail, but I was able to tell what he meant because I think I know the smell from my experience. I also liked the description of white scattered clouds because it really makes me think of a nice, clean sky in a good weather.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere of this place?
When he arrived at the airport, the airport looked busy and being in the unfamiliar place made the writer feel nervous and tense. However, as he comes out of the airport with his friend, the mood changes into a delightful scene. He seemed to be so much relieved to meet his friend.
5. Why do you think the writer chose to write about this place?
The experience of being in a foreign country by oneself is surely an unforgettable memory. Before he met his friend, he felt lots of anxiety which made him observe things around him closely. I think he wrote about the place because he had vivid scenes of the airport in his memory.
6. How could the writer improve this essay when he or she revises? Make only one suggestion.
Although he wrote about his story in detail, there were not much interesting sensory details. I think the writer can use more sensory details to describe the moment rather than directly explaining what was happening. For example, rather than just saying the immigration inspector wasn’t considerate to foreigners, I would describe his facial expression or attitudes in detail that can make readers feel that he was not a warmhearted, considerate person.
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